The Laughterlife
by our dancing days
Summary: "You know, Prongs, your kid hasn't turned out half bad." ... "Why thanks, Padfoot. I'd say the same about yours, but even if you had one, all the inbreeding would've done a number on the blighter and the words just wouldn't have been heartfelt." / The Marauders meet again.
1. Chapter 1

**The Laughterlife **

An all-dialogue one-shot from beyond the pearly gates - featuring James, Sirius, Lily, Remus and Tonks, and appearances from Dumbles and Harry. No Peter, I'm afraid James kicked him out a while back.

By WishingAwayMoments.

* * *

><p>"You know, Prongs, your kid hasn't turned out half bad."<p>

"Why thanks, Padfoot. I'd say the same about yours, but even if you had one, all the inbreeding would've done a number on the blighter and the words just wouldn't have been heartfelt."

"I take offense, Prongs."

"I'm glad to hear it. Now, talking of Prongslet, he'd better not turn up here, you know. I'd have to kill him. All he's been through, he can't just _die... _but I suppose I'd forgive him. I mean, I wouldn't hold it against him, I swear."

"Yes you would, love, and you know it."

"Only for a little bit, Lils! Then I'd be happy he wouldn't have to suffer anymore, and support all his decisions and what else I'm supposed to do. With your guidance and approval, of course."

"You're whipped, Prongs, mate, whipped. Honestly, Evans, if all these years I had know that all I had to do to get Kreacher to obey me was to get him to fall in love with me first, I would've saved myself a lot of time and hassle. And Prongs has been your personal slave since second year! Lucky sod, I'm telling you."

"Thanks for the confidence, Pads."

"Don't mention it."

"You boys... you know, one day, we're going to get some order here. Like, maybe Albus can decide to become a permanent resident, or maybe Remus could die..."

"Hey! We don't want Moony to die! ... _Do _we want Moony to die? All the pranks..."

"Padfoot, stop! He's our best mate - we can't just wish for him to be dead so we can get a few more than mediocre pranks done in the Afterlife!"

"Yeah, yeah, fine. Sorry, Moony, wherever you are. Keep... living, even if it is with my second-cousin."

"I thought you were happy for them!"

"It's just weird, isn't it? I mean, we used to read her bed time stories, and now Moony's gone and knocked her up. I mean, what if all the infamous Black insanity has got to the poor kid? Speaking of Black insanity, you do realise that somewhere along the way, we're related? Therefore, Prongslet really _hasn't _turned out so bad, concerning genes and such. Though he's still got the Potter hair and love for red-heads..."

"Hey! That is a _family _tradition, Padfoot."

"It's a Potter family tradition to fall in love with red-heads? And here I thought the Moste Messed-Up and Evil House of Black had weird habits to pass on."

"You know, I wish we wouldn't keep talking about my son like this."

"Lily, love, it's simply generic to talk about one's offspring's mental health in the Afterlife."

"... Harry is not insane."

"Ah, but the genetics are against him, I'm afraid. He's already got the hair and eyesight, what's a few weekly trips to St. Mungo's gonna change?"

"James Charlus Potter, I _forbid _you to act so childishly when there are so many lives on the line! We are supposed to feel sombre; we are supposed to be mourning the losses... Fabian and Gideon Prewett just met their nephew, for God's sake! Have a bit of common decency."

"Sorry, Lils."

"Yeah, we're sorry, Lily. It's just, it's been so long, you know? I miss being down there, fighting for the Greater Good..."

"You're spending too much time with Dumbles if you're saying 'Greater Good', Padfoot. And besides, you went out fighting, didn't you? Alright, you were killed by drapery, but that can be overlooked..."

"I was murdered by my raving lunatic of a cousin!"

"Are we even sure it was _Avada Kedavra _she cursed you with? It might've just been a harmless Blood Boiling Curse, or something, but then you fell past the spooky veil and the rest, as they say, is curtain history."

"Merlin's spotted underpants; I was _not _killed by a curtain!"

"Would you prefer cloth? Or maybe, netting? What about just the Mysterious Curtain of Doom?"

"At least _I _remembered to pick up my wand, you great sod!"

"Hey! It was a moment of panic - I had to protect Lily and Harry! Alright, maybe it wasn't the _best _idea to leave my wand on the sofa, and maybe I _should've _thought twice about opening the door when the Dark Tosser was after us, but..."

"Language, James!"

"Lily! I was in the middle of a rant!"

"It wasn't going very well, sweetheart. You should leave the ranting to me, and I'll leave the pranking to you."

"Does that count as permission?

"No."

"Blast-Ended Skrewts."

"Does that even count as a curse any more, Prongs?"

"Well, neither does drat-I-never-could-catch-those-pigeons, Padfoot, but I don't complain about that!"

"That - is a classic."

"Classic my arse! Nobody's ever used it but you, and that's only because you never _could _catch those pigeons!"

"It is a classic, Prongs and you know it."

"MOONY!"

"You know, I never knew that somebody's ribs could be crushed in the Afterlife. I could've saved myself _years _of research..."

"Is that the infamous Moony sarcasm greeting us?"

"Oh, no, I'm _completely _serious."

"No, _I'm _completely Sirius. Honestly Moony, you should've learnt your own name by now. When Madam Pomfrey dies, we'll send her in to give you a check over."

"Oh, Padfoot."

"Moony, I am here you know! You saw Padfoot, what? Two years ago? It's been 16 or 17 years, Moony, and yet you run to the mutt first. I'm disappointed."

"Oh, Prongs, you could never be ignored. Even if I tried really, _really, _hard."

"Thanks, Moony!"

"Remus, thank god. You have no idea how painful the two of them have been since Sirius arrived. I've just been itching for some parental responsibility around here. I was considering letting Albus live here permanently, and bless his soul, I love the man, but that's just the kind of last-resort idea that belongs to these two buffoons."

"Parental responsibility? Please, Moony here masterminded the best _and _the worst of our pranks!"

"Yes, but unlike you two he has grown up over the years. He has a _son."_

"Teddy! I left Teddy!"

"Remus, it's okay, Teddy's fine, he has Nymphadora..."

"What _is _it and people calling me that? Honestly, I'm never letting people have the option of using my name if they win a bet _ever _again."

"Dora?"

"Wotcher, Sirius! Oh Merlin, I'm dead, aren't I? Oh, Remus, I tried, but I had five come at me, I'm so sorry..."

"It's fine, Dora, Teddy still has Andromeda and Harry and everyone. Look how Harry turned out! He's a fine young man, Prongs, he really is."

"You know, Prongs offended my possible offspring."

"... Sirius, no one in their right mind would let you reproduce."

"Well, thanks for that Dora. Who let _you _give birth to devil-spawn anyway?"

"Padfoot, I'm not sure this is the time or the place to go into how the stork brings the baby to the cradle..."

"Why am I getting the feeling that this is a figurative stork, Moony?"

"Because of your quick-wit and above-mortal intelligence, perhaps, Padfoot?"

"Ah, that must be it."

"Why do I feel like this? I should be terrified, or upset, or _something! _My husband just died, and then I left my newborn son as an _orphan, _and here we are making jokes with my second-cousin, and his best friend, and his best friend's wife! Nice to finally meet you again, by the way, James and Lily. It's been far too long; even if I was only about seven when I probably last met you."

"Nice to meet you again too, Tonks. I'm glad you finally made Remus happy again."

"My pleasure."

"In answer to your question, Dora, we reckon it's either the Afterlife in general - making sure there are no moody guests in Heaven - or a trick of Dumbles' to make sure we all lead happy deaths. Always was an overly cheery bugger."

"Me and Pads call it the Laughterlife."

"Ah."

"Yes, James and I have been here long enough to consider all options. I mean, nobody would really last long sanity-wise if we were _exactly _the same in death as we were in life, but, forever."

"And why are we here? Why does the place keep... shifting?"

"Well, you get drawn to where one of your loved ones is here. When James came, he met his parents again. I met James, as did Sirius, and then Remus met all of us and you met Remus. It's nature's way of the Muggle school system - if you know somebody in one of the classes, you'll be placed with them for 'comfort and support'. And as to the place shifting, it's turning into where we feel most comfortable. I'm in Godric's Hollow when James and Sirius are at Hogwarts, but both of you still need time to determine your perfect place."

"That... makes sense."

"And the boys' explanation was: we call it the Laughterlife. Honestly."

"I thought it was quite catchy, Lils!"

"I know you did, love, and it's very inventive. I just wish you'd be more productive with your enormous brain."

"... Was that a compliment?"

"I haven't decided yet, James. I'll get back to you on that, promise."

"Do we know what's happening down there? Padfoot, is that old Dumbles at... _is that King's Cross Station? _Whoever's dying has one heck of a messed up imagination."

"James!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Inappropriate."

"I think I can just see them... round where the Inbetween is. It's funny; he looks familiar... that's... James! THAT'S MY SON! THAT'S HARRY! He's _dead _James, he's dead! Oh my god, James, my son is _dead! _Oh, Harry, no! I have to - I have to save him - I have to do _something..." _

"Lily! Lils, stop. You can't help him. He's with Dumbledore. Albus, Lily, remember? He's in the Inbetween - he's not dead, Lily, he's still alive. Still there."

"Oh, _Harry..." _

"I swear, he'd sure as _hell _better still be alive."

"Not helping, Dora."

"Well, it's true, isn't it? I took a couple of Death Eaters down with me, and he'd better at least take Malfoy."

"Tonks!"

"Sorry Siri, I babble when I'm nervous. Like, in my Auror training exam, all I did was go on about the different types of hairstyles I could do whilst incognito. It was highly embarrassing. And _worse, _I get _red freckles _when I get embarrassed or nervous. Red freckles!"

"I can see that, Dora."

"Oh."

"Lily! Lily, he's leaving! Look, Lily, he's _gone! _He's _safe! _Harry's still alive, Lils!"

"Oh, thank god. I hope Albus talked him out of it. Dying, I mean."

"That old coot? He probably was going on about sherbet lemons and metaphors or something. Maybe a few things like "Is anything really real, Prongslet?" and then a few things about Voldemort and wands and Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans and such."

"Padfoot, were you listening in on their conversation by any chance?"

"No, I've just suffered through quite a few of Dumbles' speeches, and let me tell you, _never _take a Fizzing Whisbee from him. They're man-eaters, I swear."

"Here the Moste Messed-Up and Evil House of Black genes are shown in action. They are almost an extinct race, the insane members of the Black-hearted family, but some still walk free in the wild. If seen, approach cautiously if at all."

"Thanks, Prongs, really."

"No problem, Pads. Now, if you turn to your right you see another trait of inbreeding in the Black family - the temper. It's highly contagious and a highly effective weapon used by these creatures..."

"Would you like to take a walk, Lily, Dora?"

"It would be our pleasure."


	2. Chapter 2

**The Laughterlife, Chapter 2**

An all-dialogue one-shot from beyond the pearly gates - featuring Scared-James, Not-So-Serious-Sirius, Embarrassed-Remus, Dominatrix-Lily, Mysterious-Tonks, Slow-Speaking-Severus, Philosophical-Dumbledore and constant vigilance! No Peter, I'm afraid James kicked him out a while back. The long-awaited second chapter of **The Laughterlife, **bigger, better and more boisterous than ever!

By our dancing days

* * *

><p>"Pumpkin Pasties."<p>

"... what?"

"Pumpkin Pasties. Sherbet Lemons. Humdinger Horrors. Cockroach Clusters. Skittles?"

"... Padfoot, what the Snape are you doing?"

"We-ell, I'm in Hogwarts, aren't I, Prongs? I'm trying to get into Dumbles' office, check it out and all. The password is always sweet-and-sugar-related, so... Fizzing Whizbees. Liquorice Wands. Chocolate Frogs. Bertie Botts' Every Flavour Beans."

"Padfoot, for Merlin's sake, this is heaven! Just _wish _to be in Professor Dumbledore's office!"

"Thanks, Moony! Oh, wow... how ya doing? Oh, it's a portrait... that's glaring at me... definitely a Black! And... Oh, _my eyes! My beautiful stormy grey eyes!"_

"What is it, Sirius?"

"Lils, it's horrible. Dreadful, even. Terrifying. Unforgivable. Scarring."

"Oh, something juicy, I bet. Let me have a look. _I wish to be in Ol' Dumbles' Office. _Hey, look at that! What are y - _oh, dear Mordred!" _

"James?"

"Prongs?"

"I... I... I'm speechless. Gobsmacked. Flabbergasted. Wordless. There are no words to describe this. I'm bowled over. "

"Prongs, if you're speechless, why are you talking?"

"Moony, it's... it's the stuff of nightmares. We wouldn't wish this on our worst en - actually, no, we would wish this on Snivellus. _Justice, _I say, _justice! _But, anyway, I'm, personally, scarred for life, Moons. It's... it's... it's Dumbledore's _underpants!" _

"Padfoot, why on heaven are you seeing Professor Dumble... actually, I'm not going to finish this sentence. Just, look away!"

"But, Moony, _we can't..."_

"Oh dear god, Remus. We're married to idiots."

"Nymphadora is _not _an idiot... oh, right. Well, I'm not married to Padfoot, thankfully. He'd slobber all over me."

"You know you'd love it, Moony."

"No need to be dramatic, Moony. Padfoot here was just suggesting... are you... are you trying to hang yourself? Dora, I don't think that's - wow, okay. I suppose that's payback for his Nymphadora comment, huh? Oh, god... you're a scary woman when you have black hair, has anyone ever told you that? You kind of resemble that lovely Aunt of yours, you know, the insane one... NO! Oh, dear god, not _there! _Think of Lily! She'd suffer too, and _- Mordred and Morganna, _I don't pity Moony right now..."

"Would you like some help there, Dora?"

"Oh, of course, Lily. Any and all assistance is wanted. If you just hold this... no, the other way round, that's it. If you just slice there..."

"This... is entertainment. I can see why heaven let you in, Lily; for us."

"You, Sirius Orion Black, are the stuff of nightmares. Forget Dumbledore's underpants for one _precious _second, and concentrate. I am the wife of _James Potter. _I will hang you, revive you, perform the Cruciatus Curse, revive you, and then castrate you. _Are we clear?"_

"Porcelain."

"Wotcher, Snape."

"!"

"Please! Dear sweet Merlin, I'll take Dumbles' underpants! I'll take that _rat's _underpants over this! I swear, it's Padfoot's fault, not mine. I'll take Mad Eye's 'I Heart Honeydukes' underpants! Just not _Snivellus!" _

"If you actually opened your eyes, you would see that Severus, in fact, is not here."

"Is that... so?"

"!"

"I said I'd take the _underpants!" _

"James, darling, I don't think that this has anything to do with us or the state of Alastor Moody's undergarments. Severus, how are you?"

"Lily..."

"You bullied my godson! You tortured him and mocked him and humiliated him, all for _what? _A childhood rivalry? Harry is _not _James, Snape, and you knew him for seven years. Surely you weren't blinkered enough to miss that. He's more like Lils, if anything."

"You bullied my son, Severus?"

"It was for you, Lily! I kept him safe for you, risked my life to protect his. It was always for you."

"Oh, _Sev..."_

"Ahem. Husband; right here?"

"Ah, Potter. I had... ignored your presence in hope it would go away."

"Severus. How are you? I had been under the impression that you had died a while ago; before Dora and I, even. How has the Afterlife been treating you?"

"_Laughterlife, _Moony, _Laughterlife." _

"Lupin. What a shame that the final Battle was only a half moon, am I correct? Our side could've used your... talents. Alas; the _Afterlife _has been treating me well. I was visiting my parents; I don't see yours, anywhere."

"I assure you, if I could've saved more of the casualties, I would have done. I don't believe I've had the opportunity to find my parents yet, Severus, though I am old enough to survive without them."

"Burn!"

"Hush, Sirius. Severus, why are you here?"

"You, Lily. I had to... apologise."

"Someone take a picture, or write this down, or _something! _I _cannot _miss Snivellus saying sorry."

"Shut it, Black. Severus, there's no... Okay, there's every need to apologise, but we have an eternity to sort things out. This _is _The Laughterlife, after all."

"..."

"..."

"... We have to spend an eternity... with _Snivellus?" _

"Prongs, for Merlin's sake, Severus worked very hard and risked everything for your son. He _died _and was sent _here _for your son. _Harry, _Prongs. We have _all _died for Harry, so you better show a little respect, do you understand?"

"Yes, Moony."

"Good. Now, _how _and _why _do you know the state of Alastor Moody's underpants?"

"Now, that's long story..."

"Oh, don't worry, James. Remus, Dora, _Severus _and I have a whole eternity to listen to it. You'd better get started, don't you think?"

"It all starts the summer of 1979. Padfoot and I are brave young warriors, seeking help for our noble cause... and alas, _constant vigilance _is engraved on our backsides, and therefore, we follow those words like Rita Skeeter follows a horrendous story."

"So, let me set the scene for you. We were in Auror training, like the good little kiddies we were-"

"Meaning, you were pranking the Prewett brothers in the Prongs, Padfoot and Prewett Prank War, circa 1979?"

"_Yes, _Moony, meaning we were delving into the inner depths of our minds like good old Trelawney taught us, although there was a distinct absence of any balls, crystal and otherwise, from Prongs-"

"OI!"

"But anyway, we were _training _in the changing rooms, when Mad Eye walked in, in his 'I Heart Honeydukes' boxer shorts - thank Merlin we never have to ask _that _question, although if you're interested, Dumbles is a briefs kind of guy - and nothing else, mind you. Prongs and I got the shock of our lives."

"And then, and then..."

"Oh, Merlin, do you remember-!"

"Yes-! And then, Mad Eye's Eye looked straight at us, down at our crotches and he said, _"Well, you can't talk. Constant vigilance, you mongrels!" _and walked out. Turns out, the Prewett brothers had charmed all of our underwear to flash obscene messages at whoever looks at them and compliment them on their hair!"

"Circe knows old Prongs was glad we found out before he got home to Lils!"

"... and how do you know the briefs were _Dumbledore's?"_

"Now, Dora that altogether is another matter... one that Moony can help us with, if I'm not mistaken."

"Remus?"

"Not like _that _Dora and I assure you, the tale is far less crude and less exciting than the one of 1979. Prongs, would you like to start the story?"

"Of course, my furry friend. Now, now, don't growl, it's not becoming of a gentleman. It was a cold, dreary night in late November... the stone walls were cold, the Chamber of Secrets lay unopened, and a certain Miss Minerva McGonagall - although we did try to find her a spouse, she turned down all of our suggestions - was furious. The quarter moon was hanging in the sky, the Whomping Willow was having a midnight snack and-"

"Get to the point, Potter."

"Of course, Lily, my dear. We were being marched to Dumbledore's office, at 3:57 in the morning no less, by a Minnie in a dressing gown. Now _that _is quite a sight."

"Prongs, can I remind you that your murderous, raving lunatic of a wife is standing beside you?"

"No, Padfoot, you may not. Now, where was I? Oh yes, Minnie's dressing gown. It was an eye-catching maroon colour, tartan, and it hung to just below her knees. Now, for an older woman, Minnie's legs have always been quite fetching..."

"JAMES! MUREROUS, RAVING LUNATIC OF A WIFE!"

"I haven't forgotten, Sirius, however much Lily-flower seems adamant on it."

"You know, I'm going to tell the story now, because I don't want to be castrated, which I will for being your accomplice. We were being taken to Dumbledore's office for that great 1976 prank involving the house elves, the Giant Squid, those rather temperamental dungbombs and that rather mouldy cheese in the Slytherin common room."

"Ahh, The Cheery Cheddar Cheese Chess Championship of 1976. I remember it well."

"Indeed. Well, we _did _knock, but as soon as we got in, Dumbledore came down in his robes - bedazzled, as well - and a breeze came through the window. It blew open the robes and _bam! _There was Dumbles in his pyjama top and briefs saying _Restricted Section _on them!"

"Poor Minnie couldn't stop blushing."

"'Shame that her crush was in vain. Our darling Dumbles is as gay as a peacock."

"Isn't Lucius Malfoy's patronus a peacock?"

"That, Dora, is no coincidence."

"You two are absolute... utter... imbeciles."

"And you... talk... very... very... very... slowly as to... annoy... everybody... within... earshot of... your... _droning... _voice... and Dumbledore... was on... the... Fire... Whiskey... when he let... _you... _teach... innocent... bored out... of their... minds... _students..." _

"James! Sirius! Stop!"

"Lily, you're supposed to be on _our _side!"

"Ah, but Mr Black, aren't we all on the same side?"

"!"

"!"

"Albus!"

"Professor Dumbledore!"

"Albus!"

"_Restricted Section!" _

"_Restricted Section? _Really, Dora? _Really?" _

"Well, it was in my mind, Sirius! And at least _I _didn't scream like a little girl."

"_Why _was it in your mind, Dora? Is there something Remus should know? And nobody would blame you if you screamed like Padfoot. You _are _a girl after all. I think we'd be more worried if you had a masculine scream."

"So sexist, James."

"You're saying it's not true, Lils?"

"..."

"Albus, what are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Remus, my dear boy. We're all on the same side in the end, are we not? I do not see you dead here at the hand of mine and Hogwarts' men, but rather, Voldemort's."

"Apart from you."

"Yes, Sirius, apart from me. But I am dead for my own foolishness and pride, not because of Severus' bloodlust."

"... You sure about that?"

"Of course I am, James. I must say, it's a pleasure to see you again. And also you, of course, Mrs Lily Potter. I distinctly remember saying the same words to you during your charming bet with the boys in... Oh, was it 1977? 1978?"

"1977, sir."

"Ah, yes! I must say, those sweets were ingenious. As was the notion; to think, pranking me during your detention! Splendid. The things we achieve in the name of love..."

"The following week was the worst week of my... life."

"Sorry about that, Snivellus, we got a bit carried away. Darling Miss Evans couldn't do anything to us, could you, love? Although those spells sent our way the next week were truly inspired... you know, I don't think, through our seven years at Hogwarts, that you ever repeated a hex."

"Of course, not. Couldn't let you think I was going soft, now, could I?"

"Aww, you'll never go soft, Tulip."

"Yeah, 'cause I couldn't get enough of the flower names. Seriously."

"Don't you mean... Siriusly?"

"No. I really don't."

"I must say, you all make me feel at least 100 years younger. It's a lovely feeling. However, I feel that I must be off. It was something about mince pies and Grindledore... oh well, I am positive it'll come back to me in time. Toodlepip!"

"That man is bonkers. Off his rocker. Insane. Loony. Beyond words. Crazy. Off in the deep end. Nuts."

"James, honey, I think we get it."

"_Get it? _I'm forever scared with an image of Mad Eye's underpants, McGonagall in a tartan dressing gown and Slughorn in a dress!"

"... Dora? Do you want to explain that last one?"

"No. No, I do not, Remus."

"..."

"Snape. Pureblood. Fanatic. Murder. Green. Snake. Snake-like. Silver. Greasy. Git. Underwater. Sneaky. Under-handed. Inappropriate. Muggle-Haters-Unite?"

"Padfoot... _what _on this heaven, Laughterlife, _whatever, _are you doing?"

"Why, Moony. I'm aiding a noble cause, one that hopefully does not involve anybody's underpants. I'm reaching into dangerous waters, Squid-y seas, dark oceans. Wish me luck. Pride. Power. Prejudiced. Slytherins are mean?"

"Padfoot... what the Snape are you doing and why am I not involved?"

"What... the... Snape?"

"You know; your face is a glimpse into hell. So, not why the hell, but why the Snape. It works."

"James! You are talking to one of my friends!"

"Of that I was not aware. You're actually _friends _with this greasy git? I thought it was just a ruse... after, you know, he told that prophecy to the person who _murdered us? _I know, I know, it was a mistake, he's sorry, he's been forgiven for his sins, yada yada yada._"_

"_James. _Show a sense of maturity, please."

"As you wish, malady."

"Padfoot..."

"Spiteful. Evil. Eviler? Evilest? Oh sorry. Yes, my dearest Moony?"

"... You're trying to get into the Slytherin common room, aren't you?"

* * *

><p>*bows*<p>

Now, don't those underpants just get the ideas for fanfics _spinning _in your head? I feel I need to dedicate a one-shot to various undergarments of the teachers, don't you? The Laughtershock, maybe? Give me the word and it'll be your New Year's gift. Snape, I'll even dedicate it to you, if you wish!

This was great fun to write... and read through. Honestly, though, the image of Mad Eye in boxer shorts... well, it's enough to almost put me off Honeydukes, I'll tell you that. Hope you enjoyed a Mrs J. K. Rowling's characters being played with by me. *curtains begin to close*

"_Leave a review/PM to request a new chapter!" _

So, The Laughtershock, anyone?


End file.
